Doncaster Rugby Club

I offer no apology whatsoever in submitting this match report a bit late. I have tried to think of an excuse but nothing plausible springs to mind. Anyway…….

It was always going to be difficult to equal the enthusiasm and commitment of the previous weeks historic victory over Sandal, but despite a slow start the Dragons put in worthwhile performance to scrape a victory against a traditionally competitive and well-organised Tigers outfit.

The afternoon started promisingly with 19 players available, even Whippet Phillips and Strongbow Banks managed to arrive on time having bypassed the Horse and Groom for once.

But that’s about as good as things got - due to a colour clash between Phoenix and Hornsea the Dragons were asked to wear the shirts from Phoenix 1^st XV. The Captain had little choice and agreed; believing that wearing the kit of a league team might even lift the side. However, it became immediately apparent that the difference in physique between the average Dragon [M] and the average 26 yr old [XS] was going to be a problem. There was huffing and puffing, moaning and groaning from both forwards and backs. Tight-head prop Paul Beach needed a full tub of vas and the assistance of the back row to get the No3 jersey past his shoulders, while Gary Malton’s movement was restricted to the extent that he almost passed out trying to tie up his new boots!!.

There was then a game of rugby with the Dragons edging a victory 22 – 19. Two tries for Gary Malton and one apiece for Dawson and Bottsy, Thomas adding the extras.

The only highlight in an instantly forgettable game came in the second half – the Tigers fly half cleared to touch from his 22, Howard Potts who was running the line had to back peddle in order to avoid getting a face full of ball. Unfortunately for him his hands were stuck in his pockets and his feet were unable to move at the same rate as his upper body. Consequently he fell arse over t!t backwards, much to the amusement of all and a cry of “Timbeeeeeeerrrrr” from Daws.

It will be of no interest to anyone that there would have been 20 Dragons players available for this game but for Steve Cash trekking all the way to Tigers only to be informed that the match was taking place, as advertised to everyone everywhere, at Castle Park. Please don’t mention this insignificance the next time you see him.

Man of the Match – Gary Malton [Two tries in his new boots]

W*nker of the Week – Dean Malton [Missing a conversion attempt from in front of the posts & despite having a 4 man overlap to his left and a 3 man overlap to his right Dean decided that stick the ball up his jumper and ran straight into the Tigers full-back, was tackled, lost the ball forward and then had the cheek to complain that there was no-body in support]